A Long Goodbye

Soon after Tatay passed away last October the long process of cleaning out of the house in Andover began.  Through the funeral, and into the Holiday Season. New Years, Probate, lot splits, and a Pandemic we soldiered on. Fall into Winter into Spring, and now the awakening of summer. On weekends, and evenings, sorting, donating; carloads of memories taken home. Pulling out of the driveway every visit brought a little more finality, a step closer to closure.  

In the middle of May a company came to remove all of the remaining furniture and goods that nobody had claimed or could give a proper home to. Over the course of 2 days I stayed at the house watching a crew of five load 45 years of memories and possessions into a 32 foot truck.  It was excruciating. 

In a short whirlwind of a couple of weeks the house was cleaned, staged, sold and closed. And this weekend we all said our final goodbyes.

One of the last remaining items that remained unclaimed were a collection of rocks that Nanay collected from her travels.  Wherever they went, on vacations and day trips near and far, she would always come back with a rock or two. Space permitting she would write on the piece to say where it was from.

We came up with the idea that we should keep them somewhere on the property, so we gathered together one last time, walked back to the creek, and sent them back to nature.

But before we threw them into the water I read something I had quickly put together the night before:

“Today we say a final farewell to a place that will forever be a home to all of us.  Forty five years ago Lolo and Lola moved here from Northeast Minneapolis and started a new chapter in the Ancheta family history. 

And while today marks an ending, we acknowledge that our families will continue to thrive and grow in places away from this place. And future generations will be able to look upon this place and know what it meant.

What it meant was a dream realized. That with hard work, perseverance, and a little luck, you can achieve what you desire.  This house and this soil is testament to that. 

These rocks are tokens of that good fortune. Lolo and Lola had the means and the ability to go near and far. To places some of us may never see, or maybe we will be able to follow in their footsteps. So we’ll take away the tokens that we want, and give back to the earth the tokens we no no longer want to carry with us. Back to a place that may no longer carry the Ancheta name, but to mark a place where the Ancheta’s will always remain a part of.

So say a prayer, smile a smile, or shed a tear. Always remember the love that was shared here. And keep them, and this place, forever in your hearts.”

As the final stones plunked into the creek, the final ripples disappeared in the current and we made our way back to the house. I took one last trip through the house and I locked the door behind me. Driving Tatay’s Cadillac down the driveway for the last time seemed appropriate. It was hard to make that final left turn down the road.

It’s been a long goodbye. From the first day that we brought Nanay home in May of 2014 after her stroke, to the final key turning in the lock in June 2020 it’s been a long day coming. Now that the ink has dried on the closing documents for the new owners; maybe the tears can finally dry for the descendants of its former inhabitants.

Toxicity

Late last month, Grant’s 10^th grade English teacher sent out an e-mail talking about a 30 day Digital Detox. Attached was an article from Forbes on 30 different ways to wean yourself from your phone:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2017/01/04/try-the-30-day-digital-detox-challenge/#d0be71f3a3d2

On the first day of Lent I logged out of my Facebook and Instagram accounts.  I’ll have to admit that the first few days of not checking updates was awkward. To be honest I haven’t kept up with all of the methods described, nor have I kept a log on what I’ve been doing.

But I don’t miss either app, especially Facebook.

It’s Toxic.

Don’t get me wrong, I like cat memes as much as the next guy, but the political rhetoric he said / she said crap is a mind and time suck. As a colleague of mine once said, “it’s like babies tossing teddy bears out of the crib.” Like and share if you agree my ass.

To be honest there was a post from a friend that got to me and made logging off easier. It wasn’t a post of self-importance “look-how-much-money-I-have-and/or-look-how-cool-I-am-and/or-look-at-the-place-I’m-at-and-you-aren’t-here” sort of thing. It was a plain statement of achievement that now in my middle stages of life I know I’ll never attain. It was less of what he chose to share, but more of how I perceived it. It was a deep look into the mirror of opportunities squandered. I’m honestly glad for him, effort and attitude can take you everywhere you want to go.

Maybe the toxicity is in my own mind…..

And then COVID-19 has shut everything down. 

The social distancing aspect is something that I’ve been pondering. I get it, I understand the need. But in my mind, social media has already hardened us to this. Lately I’ve been concentrating on the network news, and many of the human interest stories revolve around community outreach and helping ones neighbor.

Wonderful, fantastic, heart-warming.

But the cynical side of me wonders if this is truly from the heart, or is this another ploy to get likes and shares of “oh look how giving I am.” Am I wrong?

We’re all in uncharted waters here. In our modern age we are all revealing how out of our depths we are. We’re hoarding toilet paper for God’s sake. I read something the other day that a couple made the headlines for trying to buy 19 cases of Mountain Dew. I’ll leave that there.

Here at work it has that Post 911 feel. Lots of uncertainty and rumors. Many of my coworkers have started working remotely, our parking lot emptying of cars while the ramp fills with parked airplanes.  Last weekend I got a phone call from my director telling me that I may have been exposed to someone who may be sick with the Virus. He told me not to freak out. I went ahead and freaked out a little anyway.  I’m not ready to see my parents on the other side quite yet. (I found out this afternoon that I'm in the clear for now).

So maybe the toxicity isn’t just in my mind. Like and share that if you agree.

I guess that I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m just letting you all know where I’ve been. Maybe I’ll be back on Facebook one of these days. Then again maybe not.  Drop me a line and let’s catch up. I want to hear your voice and your laughter. And if need be, I can be there to try and console your cries. (edit: I also have the Zoom app - my "meeting room" is 985-003-6614 if you'd like.)

I'll keep my Instagram active because @hugothefierce still needs his public and truth be told I love artsy pictures. I'll probably put random sunsets on there so deal with it.

Maybe after you read the ideas in the Forbes link you’ll decide to digitally detox with me. If you do please let me know how it goes. I’m discovering new patterns and observing new paths. Life is difficult enough without trying to wade through unnecessary social media bullshit.

The fortune cookie that I cracked open the other day caught my breath in my chest a little bit; “The calling that has sounded will not be the lasting call.”

Wash your hands. Stay safe, stay clean. Stay sane. I'll be around.